


And I Will Try

by leopardchic79



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-01
Updated: 2012-07-01
Packaged: 2017-11-08 22:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leopardchic79/pseuds/leopardchic79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor gives something to Loki that he'd lost long ago.  Post-Avengers</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Will Try

**Author's Note:**

> Never thought this would be my first foray into this fandom, but what are you gonna do?!  
> -Inspired after reading [this fic](http://punk4life1315.livejournal.com/131439.html) & viewing [this art](http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v626/Samena/?action=view&current=lokischildrenbyjenandkr.jpg). Love them both!

For someone who was usually so unpredictable, Loki had become a creature of habit while imprisoned. Thor found him where he normally was at this time of day...sitting by the window in the late afternoon sun with a book in his lap. Oftentimes when Thor came to visit him, he found Loki's attention diverted from whatever tome he was reading in favor of gazing out into the grounds below, something Thor had found odd at first. His brother had never been one to favor the outdoors over reading. And he knew Loki wasn't prone to gazing wistfully at a freedom he might never have again. If Loki truly desired escape, he would do more than just stare out the window and think about it.  


Thor never asked what he was looking at, knowing that he wouldn't receive a truthful answer. But he observed him discreetly - something he was rather proud of - and tried to figure out what was drawing Loki's near-daily attention.  


It didn't take very long. And when he realized what it was...his heart broke.  


Loki was only ever distracted in the late afternoon and evening near dusk, when most of the horses and other assorted creatures came in from the nearby meadow. And the window in Loki’s room overlooked that meadow and the path to the royal stables.  


There was no more powerful or more important horse than Sleipnir. It was Odin’s trusted steed and a magical and mysterious creature in its own right. Sometimes the horse was gone for days, slipping in between the realms on its own, using a magic that belonged to no one else. But lately the horse had stayed firm in Asgard, content to munch on the grasses of the meadow and sleep in the stables of the royal family.  


Thor wondered if the reason was because the horse knew that a presence long missing from Asgard was home.  


He knew why Loki sat at the window and watched the outside in fascination each day. He knew this particular brand of Loki’s sad and longing gazes.  


He was watching his child.  


~*~*~

  


They had never discussed it before; most likely, Loki probably thought that Thor had no idea. It had started with rumors, like many things that surrounded his brother over the years. And as usual, Loki would never confirm or deny the truth of them. But Thor never actively pressed him for an answer on Sleipnir. Loki had been gone for quite some time prior to the mysterious horse’s arrival. And then after…something was different about Loki that kept Thor from pushing. He was…quiet. Mischief was absent from the kingdom for months…far longer than Thor could ever remember happening before.  


While Odin was pleased with the horse itself, he was less so with Loki. Thor noticed, but had long since tried to keep out of arguments between his brother and his father…something he later learned to regret. But usually Loki sulked after arguments and someone or something would end up suffering the consequences of an annoying but (mostly) harmless spell.  


This was different. Loki was upset and then quiet and then sad. And no one was suffering but himself.  


And Thor, for all his self-involvement at the time, noticed. He noticed and wanted to do something, but he didn’t know what or how. By that point, Loki had become a mystery to him…something that hurt more than he cared to think about. He hated how they’d grown apart, but he didn’t know how to fix it.  


Thor followed his brother one evening, taking advantage of how distracted Loki was, so that he went unnoticed. Loki slipped quickly through the dimming light in a direction that Thor was surprised to realize was not unexpected. He’d done his best to ignore the rumors, but there was no denying how different Loki had been since returning to Asgard with the eight-legged horse.  


He crept carefully behind him as he stole into the stables, watching as Loki moved gracefully through the shadows to the stall at the end. Thor stayed where he was and watched quietly, not brave enough to risk going any closer. He knew that distracted or no, Loki would probably hear him. So he couldn’t see much more than his brother’s back and was definitely too far away to hear anything he might have said, but it didn’t matter. Loki’s entire body spoke of a lonely sort of sadness that Thor had never witnessed from him before. And he touched Sleipnir with careful reverence, his long fingers petting the horse’s face and neck and mane.  


He stayed there for a long time before he seemed to force himself to leave, one word clear enough for Thor to hear across the distance of the stable.  


“Goodbye.”  


After that night, Loki paid no more attention to their father’s horse than he did to any other creature. And Thor never figured out a way to tell him that he knew. Or how to comfort him.  


~*~*~

  


“Loki?”  


Thor sat down opposite of him and waited patiently, knowing that he only had very little of his attention, that he was still focused on what was beyond his window. What he wanted more than anything was to find a way to show his errant brother that he was still loved despite his many crimes. He only hoped that what he had planned would be a good start.  


"Thor, believe it or not, I can listen to whatever you have to say without having to look at you," Loki said after a few moments of silence.  


Thor couldn't help smiling, encouraged by the annoyed tone to Loki's voice. Annoyance was a big improvement over cold, biting hostility.  


"I thought you might want to take a walk with me. Tonight, when it's dark."  


Loki turned to him slowly, eyebrow raised, a look of long-suffering incredulity on his face. "A walk," he said flatly. "As if I'm just free to come and go as I please?"  


Thor rolled his eyes. "No, but I...I can sneak you out."  


“Can you now?” he asked, voice full of doubt. “When have you ever snuck anywhere? Without my assistance,” he added quickly. Loki glared at him, but Thor thought he could detect a glimmer of amusement in his expression as well.  


But that had been the reply Thor had been looking for and he grinned in triumph. “Exactly. I’ll need your assistance again, brother.”  


“Why exactly do you want to sneak me out?” he asked after a few moments, eyes narrowing suspiciously at Thor. “Maybe so that I’ll get caught and forced into a harsher prison? Or to deliver me to your mortal friends for their own brand of justice?”  


Thor sighed and shook his head, reaching out to grip Loki’s shoulder tightly. He met Loki’s unrelenting gaze of suspicion and mistrust with his own look of soft sadness and hope. “I have a surprise for you,” he murmured. “A _good_ surprise. But I need your help to get there.”  


They were both mightily stubborn and always had been, but one of Thor’s greatest talents had always been convincing Loki to accompany him on some sort of adventure that would inevitably get them both into trouble. Loki found trouble on his own without any help from anyone, but this was different. This was always something that Loki knew better than to attempt, but couldn’t refuse. Not when it was his older brother doing the asking.  


Sighing, Loki shook off Thor’s grip and threw up his hands in defeat as he stood up. “Fine. Where are we going?”  


Thor smiled. “I can’t tell you.”  


Loki glowered at him and stalked across the room towards the door, muttering curses that made Thor smile brightly.  


~*~*~

  


Thor was relatively certain that their mother knew the truth.  


He remembered seeing Loki with her the same day he had followed Loki to the stables and witnessed his farewell to Sleipnir. It had been early morning and he’d still been half-asleep, but his head had cleared quickly when he’d come across his brother and his mother in the garden. Loki had been sitting at her feet, head pressed against her knee, eyes tightly shut. Frigga’s expression had held nothing but sadness as she’d run her fingers through his dark hair, murmuring soft words that Thor had not been quite able to hear.  


He thought back on it now and wondered if his mother had also noticed Loki’s recent attentions. She was, after all, his only other visitor.  
He knew what sort of risks he was taking in stealing Loki away from his prison. His magic was bound, and he would not be able to escape Asgard by any of the paths he may have used previously. But magic or no, Loki could still easily slink away from him. He could disappear for days if he wanted to and would easily be able to talk an unwitting Asgardian into giving him whatever he wanted.  


Worse than all that, Thor knew that the risk he was taking would hurt Loki far more than anyone else if they were caught. Loki’s current prison was a relatively comfortable one. For better or for worse, Asgard had never punished royalty the same way they had someone common. Loki’s cell was rather luxurious…sleeping chamber, a living area and a bath. It was, of course, still locked with both bars and magic, but it was comfortable. If they were caught, Thor’s greatest fear was that Loki would be forced into a dark, underground prison for trying to escape. After all, no one would believe that it had been Thor’s idea.  


Slipping past the guards and out of the palace had been easy enough – it was something they had been doing successfully since they were children. Making it across the open grounds to the stable had been a little more risky, but Loki pulled him in and out of the shadows with ease so that they went unnoticed by even the occasional passerby.  


Once inside the stable, Thor breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at his brother. “Fun, no?”  


Loki smirked at him and shook his head a little. “Yes, thrilling,” he said dryly. “It’ll be even more enjoyable if we get caught. Where are we going?” he asked again. “It will be more difficult to sneak past others on horseback.”  


Thor shook his head and reached out to grasp Loki’s wrist. “We’re not going riding. Come,” he murmured, tugging him along towards the other end of the stable.  


As they came closer to Sleipnir's stall, Loki's step slowed just slightly, but Thor chanced a look at his face and saw that his expression remained the same. He didn't know the details of what had transpired between Loki and their father to make Loki give up any claim to his child, but he had seen enough to know that it had cost his brother greatly. And yet, he kept up his mask of indifference with seemingly no effort at all.  


No one had ever accused his brother of being a clumsy liar.  


Loki shook off his grip when they stopped in front of Sleipnir's stall and glared at him...but not before a fleeting look of panic flashed in his eyes. "I'm not going to ask you again Thor. Where are we going?" he hissed.  


"Here," Thor answered softly.  


Loki crossed his arms over his chest and took a step back from him, his glare never wavering. Loki hated being cornered, and Thor was more than familiar with his defensive posture so he stepped closer again carefully. For once he was glad of Loki's magic being bound...otherwise, he knew Loki would have already vanished or knocked him across the ground or sent a swarm of insects into his face. He knew his brother's fingers must be itching with a spell he couldn't use.  


"Loki...I've seen you at the window every day at the same time. And I know why."  


Loki's eyes widened slightly. "Do you, now?" he sneered. He took another small step away from Thor, body so tense it was plainly visible.  
The last thing he wanted was for Loki to bolt, so he reached out slowly with both hands and held his upper arms. He was unsurprised to find that his brother was trembling and all he really wanted to do was hold him close. Except he knew that would earn him nothing more than a fight.  


"Let me go," Loki demanded, an edge of pleading in his tone. "And take me back inside."  


Thor shook his head. "I know Sleipnir is yours, brother," he murmured. "I know you were forced to give him up. And I know it broke your heart."  


Loki shook his head, but he wasn't struggling anymore; his eyes had lost their dark and brittle expression. He looked down, hand reaching out to tug on Thor's cloak and pull him just a little bit closer.  


"How did you know?" he asked finally.  


Thor leaned in to hear his whisper, fingers coming up of their own volition to tuck a strand of dark hair behind Loki's ear.  


"I wasn't sure at first, but you were...different then."  


"And you probably listened to all of the rumors," Loki added, sounding more weary than angry.  


"I heard them," Thor answered. "But I didn't listen. I followed you here...the night you came to see him. To say goodbye."  


Loki looked up at that, sadness flashing through his eyes before he covered it up. He stared at Thor for many long moments, and the two of them stood that way for a while, half in each other's arms, comfortable with the silence and the proximity.  


"Why have you brought me here now?" Loki finally asked, voice not much more than a whisper.  


He was steadfastly refusing to look anywhere near Sleipnir's stall, and Thor had to wonder at the strength of his brother's determination to stay away ever since that night he had bid his child farewell. He knew that Odin must have made a grave threat to keep Loki away, and Thor found himself angry with his father again.  


"I've seen you at the window every afternoon, watching. I know you must miss him," Thor murmured. "I just...I wanted to give you back something that you'd lost."  


This time Loki's eyes flashed briefly with a softness that Thor had, regrettably, not seen in centuries. It made his chest ache. "You are a sentimental fool," Loki muttered. Thor beamed at the fondness in Loki's voice, which he did little to disguise.  


They were jolted out of their moment of peace by a noise at the other end of the stables. Thor shielded Loki behind him quickly, but there was nothing there. It was only one of the horses, but it reminded them both that this wasn’t simply a nighttime romp and to be caught would end with severe consequences for both of them. Especially Loki.  


“Loki, we don’t have a lot of time,” he murmured as he faced his brother again.  


Loki swallowed hard and nodded curtly, turning for the first time to look past Thor to Sleipnir’s stall.  


Thor moved back a bit, watching Loki step closer. He turned abruptly, expression heavy with anxiety, and reached out to grasp Thor’s arm, fingers trembling as they pulled him near. Thor nodded and pressed his hand between Loki’s shoulder blades, staying close behind him as Loki turned again and moved nearer.  


The horse perked up some and stepped towards them. Thor couldn’t see his brother’s face, but could feel the nervousness radiating off of him in waves. He slipped his hand up to the back of Loki’s neck and let it rest there, fingers moving absently through his soft, dark hair. Loki shivered a bit and drew in a shuddery breath, finally lifting his hand and resting it against Sleipnir’s head.  


He sighed and reached out swiftly with his other hand, drawing in closer. The horse whinnied softly and lowered his head, so that Loki could press his forehead to him between the eyes, both of his hands flitting from his face to mane and back again. The anxiety had melted away from his body with that first touch and he was relaxed in a way he hadn’t been in a very long time. He murmured quietly a stream of gentle words that Thor chose not to listen to. But he remained a steady presence at Loki’s back, heart swelling as he watched his brother reconnect with his child.  


Even before Loki’s fall and his murderous visit to Earth, there were many who would have described him as cold, heartless and uncaring. But Thor knew him best and he knew that underneath his mask of indifference there was warmth that few ever got to see. Thor understood now, of course, that it wasn’t quite as simple as Loki just shielding his heart for fear of getting hurt. Loki’s wounds were deep and layered and he’d been nursing them for centuries. Thor hated that he had failed Loki so terribly by never noticing or realizing the extent of his brother’s resentment and desperation. That he had failed to pick up on Loki’s debilitating lack of self-esteem until after it had been too late.  


They stayed that way for a long time. Longer than Thor knew was wise, but he was loathe to tear Loki away from Sleipnir and to end the moment of peace that his brother had found.  


Eventually though, it was Loki who let go, gently petting Sleipnir’s head once more and sighing softly as he took a small step backwards. Thor expected him to step away, but he leaned back into Thor’s chest instead and took a few deep breaths, drawing his composure around himself like a cloak. Thor swallowed hard and gripped Loki’s shoulders gently. It thrilled him that Loki wasn’t pushing him away, that he was comfortable with his touch for the moment.  


“We need to leave,” Loki said softly. “We probably shouldn’t have stayed this long.”  


Thor nodded. “I know.”  


They made their way back the same way they had come, slipping easily through the quiet night and back to Loki’s prison. Thor was overcome with unwillingness to actually open the door and force him back inside. He knew he couldn’t set Loki free, knew that he had to pay for what he had done, but after seeing his brother so different tonight…so peaceful and almost happy, it was difficult for Thor to lock him up again.  


But Loki stepped inside of his own volition, laughing a little at Thor’s reluctance. “Not tonight, brother. I’ll stay put…for now.” His eyes flashed briefly with something dark and dangerous, and Thor knew that this peace wouldn’t last indefinitely. But…he had always known that.  


Loki laughed again, lighter this time, and stepped closer to him. “Don’t look so distressed,” he murmured. “I won’t forget what you’ve given me tonight.” He leaned closer still and pressed his forehead to Thor’s, arms winding tightly around his back. “Thank you,” he whispered fiercely.  


Thor, though surprised by both Loki’s words and his actions, returned his embrace without a second thought. And although it was bittersweet, he couldn’t help the way his heart warmed to the feeling of Loki in his arms. He drew in a deep, shaky breath and held him nearer, wanting to stay still and close and peaceful with him for as long as possible.  


“Loki, I...”  


But Loki shook his head and tugged gently on his hair. “Don't,” he interrupted quickly, voice hoarse and low. “Not tonight. Just...come and sit with me,” he pleaded, pulling out of Thor's embrace to grasp his hand and lead him to the window.  


It wasn't usually Loki who tried to avoid an argument. Thor wanted to fix things with his brother, and more so wanted to fix _Loki_. And it was difficult for him to admit that he didn't quite know how. Being a man of action, it was equally difficult to be patient and take these small opportunities when he was granted them. But he would keep trying. Endlessly. No matter how long it took.  


And so he stayed silent for now and followed willingly. He threaded his fingers through Loki's and sat down with him by the window. Loki squeezed his hand and Thor looked at him and smiled. They leaned against one another and looked out at the distant stars.


End file.
